


Difficulty Curve

by RosemarysBabysitter (TashaElizabeth)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: First Time, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TashaElizabeth/pseuds/RosemarysBabysitter
Summary: "He’d leaned in close, too close, and then, when Barba had finished a story and was smiling at the memory, face lit up and eyes happy, Sonny had leaned in all the way and kissed him."





	1. Chapter 1

They’d ended up in a distant corner booth with high sides celebrating a semi successful case and one by one the others had drifted away to their babies and beds and finally it had just been Sonny and Barba talking law school war stories over drinks. Barba’s voice had gotten lower and lower under the sting of good scotch and the strain of talking all day so Sonny had leaned in closer and closer to hear him. He’d slid an arm along the wall of the booth behind the Barba’s back and Barba hadn’t reacted to it. The beer was cold and kept coming. The room was dim, private and pleasant. He’d leaned in close, too close, and then, when Barba had finished a story and was smiling at the memory, face lit up and eyes happy, Sonny had leaned in all the way and kissed him.

Sonny wanted it on the record that there was no initial resistance. Barba didn’t even pause. Sonny kissed him and Barba (Rafael? he thought. No, still Barba) melted into the touch instantly. They met with slick lips and open mouths. Barba took a handful of Sonny’s shirt in his fist and twisted it, pulling him close and vocalizing gently against Sonny’s tongue. 

“No,” Barba said breathily and then pushed Sonny away.

“Okay.” Sonny glanced at the rest of the restaurant, double checking that no one could see them huddled together in the corner. “Okay.”

“No,” Barba said, louder now, finding his voice again. “No, no, no, no.” He pulled away abruptly, sliding out of the booth, knocking over a glass as he moved. 

“I’m sorry,” Sonny said, raising his voice a little as Barba crossed the room, darting into the entryway and moving out onto the street. He looked down at the crumpled circle of his shirt, then to the table. A half empty glass of red wine was steadily staining the tablecloth. Sonny picked up Barba’s phone before the liquid could touch it.

He found Barba in the street trying to hail a cab and facing the wrong way to do it. It was the wrong time of night too and the few cabs that passed them were full of drinkers and dancers, heading home after a raucous night out. Sonny remembered suddenly that it was a Friday.

“Counselor,” Sonny said. He held up the phone. 

Barba looked back at him, eyes widened, then took a deep breath. He approached Sonny gingerly, took back the phone and put it in his pocket. 

“I’m really sorry,” Sonny said. “That was unprofessional and…”

“I’m not mad at you, Carisi,” Barba said. He’d loosened his shirt and tie earlier in the night and now he was pulling the knot tight and redoing his top buttons.

“You’re not?” 

Barba shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, okay? Just forget about it.” He’d turned down the street again, raising a hand for a car that wouldn’t come. His arm was stiff, tension in his wrists and fingers. The wind picked up and Sonny buttoned his coat shut.

“Look, you’re not going to get a cab like that. Why don’t I just walk you home?”

Barba shook his head, glancing from Sonny to the street.. “It’s really late and dark and…”

“I’ve got a gun,” Sonny reminded him.

Barba rolled his eyes but dropped his arm. “Yes, because that’s never escalated a confrontation.”

Sonny smiled. “Yeah, well we get jumped by some muggers I promise to remember all my conflict resolution training from the Academy.” He gestured right and left and then followed Barba’s nod up the street. The two fell into step together.

The sky was grey and clouded over above the buildings on either sides of them. Traffic was light and the sound of the wind was heavy in their ears. They walked for several blocks, skirting other pedestrians and the tables outside of restaurants. Sonny stayed close to Barba, but didn’t touch him, didn’t step into his personal space. He didn’t try to talk either, just let the wind play through the trees and the buildings and blow trash back and forth in the street.

Finally Barba sighed explosively. “I’m not gay.”

“That’s cool,” Sonny said. “Me neither.”

Barba snorted. Sonny had to laugh. 

“Oh,” he said. “If you mean it like that then, yeah, I’m really super gay. But I’m also bisexual. Did you mean it like that? That you never, with a guy...”

“Never.”

Sonny nodded. “I get it.”

“People have always, always thought. I mean, it doesn’t matter. It’s not a bad thing. But they always thought. Even when I was kid I’d get beat up and pushed around and called a pansy. And I make it worse, I know I do. The way I dress and the way I talk but... Carisi?” Barba had stopped in the street. 

“Yeah?”

“I liked it.” He looked lost.

Sonny waved him forward, gave him a reassuring smile. “Let’s keep walking.”

Compared to all the numerous fantasies he’d concocted, reality was proving to be more like high school then high romance. He’d avoided the straight boy game even in college, the am I or aren’t I identity panic proving less interesting than grabbing extra pre-law classes around his criminology requirements. It hadn’t occurred to him that Barba, solid and sexy and so in control, might have a part of himself with which he wasn’t entirely on speaking terms.

He tried to wish he hadn’t kissed Barba at all and found he couldn’t. Barba had felt good. Barba still felt good.

“I’m not sure I believe in bisexuality,” Barba muttered.

Now Sonny rolled his eyes. “It’s not bigfoot, counselor, it's just attraction. And frankly, people like me don’t give a shit if you believe in us or not.”

Barba stuck his hands into his jacket pockets and abruptly nodded his head. “You’re right,” he said flatly. “I’m just looking for arguments.”

“Yeah, you’re good at that.”

Barba laughed. The sound was bright in the darkness and Sonny smiled reflexively when he heard it. 

“That’s me,” Barba said as they rounded the corner. He pointed out a tall apartment building, glass fronted and luminous. They lingered outside the door, drawing the attention of the sullen looking twenty year old who worked as night doorman. “Do you…” Barba paused, looked up at Sonny and met his eyes. They were still wide. “Did you want to come up?”

Sonny went a little dizzy at the notion. He could picture a big bed upstairs, with cool expensive sheets and Barba’s body taking up all the space underneath him. He laughed. “I really do, but it's late and you’ve been drinking. Anyway, we don’t have to rush anything. Take a day and get your head around it. Trust me.”

Barba managed to look offended and relieved at the same time. He motioned toward Sonny, as though he was going to touch him, then dropped the hand abruptly and glanced over to the doorman. “Walk me to my door at least,” he said defiantly.

Sonny nodded. 

They went into the lobby and rode the elevator up to Barba’s floor. It was a nice building but not quite as nice as Sonny had expected. It was difficult for Sonny to imagine Barba deserving anything but the very best. Still there were only two locks on all the doors and the carpet in the hallways was clean. He followed Barba out of the elevator into the quiet hush of the building at night. Barba took out his keys, inserted them into a door.

“Thanks for seeing me home,” he said and then turned, leaving the keys dangling from the lock. His hands were on his thighs and he looked at Sonny with a hesitant, seeking expression.

You had to go slow with these kinds of things. Kissing him there, in a brightly lit hallway a step from his door, that was fine. Sonny considered the matter all the long bus ride home. Kissing was fine. Kissing was good. What he shouldn’t have done was kiss him the way that he did. Not like that. Not with one hand, tight and hot, wrapped around the base of Barba’s throat.


	2. Chapter 2

“I keep thinking about you.”

Sonny straightened up on the sofa and pushed his textbook to the side. “You were supposed to take a day.” He’d been playing music through his headphones and the phone was already hot against his skin. He’d answered it without looking. 

“I’m taking a day.” Barba’s voice was low and sweet in his ear. “But I keep thinking about you.”

It didn't feel like a day to Sonny. He'd stumbled into bed late that night, slept all morning, then ran to catch a spare hour at the gym before hitting his books. There’d been too much weight on the machine when he’d gotten to it and he’d kept it that way. The ache in his muscles felt better than the ache in his stomach. In the shower he’d scrubbed at his skin hard without feeling it. His hair was still wet and he hadn't had breakfast yet.

“Whatcha thinking about?” he asked, letting his head fall back against the sofa cushion. 

“Honestly?” Barba asked. “I’m thinking about that look on your face when I asked you up. Right before you said no.”

“When I almost said yes,” Sonny admitted. He glanced down at his ragged sweatpants.

“I knew it.” Barba laughed. The sound made Sonny shiver. He pawed the carpet with his bare feet, seeking sensation as he pushed his toes back and forth across the nape. “What are you thinking about?” Barba asked.

“Foundations of comparative constitutional law.” Barba made an injured sound. Sonny ran a hand across his bare stomach. There was a moment of silence and Sonny swallowed. “You’d rather I was thinking about kissing you again?”

Barba didn’t answer. 

“Or maybe it was holding you like...” 

“You had to be tall,” Barba interrupted, hissing over his teeth. “I think I could deal with it better if you weren’t so damn tall.”

“No offense, counselor,” Sonny shot back. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve kissed your fair share of girls who were taller than you.”

Barba laughed. “Not ones who smell like Old Spice.” His voice had gone cozy and comfortable. Sonny heard the creak of a chair as Barba settled back. And it wasn’t Old Spice. It was Degree.

“Do you want me to come over?” Sonny asked. There were too many ideas already running through his head. Replays of the night before with pleasant little additions. The vision of that bed again and the real life taste of Barba’s mouth. 

Silence on the line. “I don’t know,” Barba said eventually. “Maybe I won’t ever know. Maybe you'll just have to come over and grab me like you did last night.”

“Nope,” Sonny said. 

“Look Carisi, I’m a big boy. Nobody’s had to romance me for a long time…”

Sonny liked the idea that there had been someone, once, who’d had to. He liked the idea of serious, doe eyed Barba getting lured from his homework by insistent hands and feminine wiles. He shook his head. “Uh uh,” he said. “You’re not going to close your eyes and do a shot and get it over with. Not with me. I want you there for every second of it. All of you, Rafael, that’s the only terms I’ll accept.”

He heard Barba breathing heavy on the telephone.

“Okay,” Barba agreed.

“Okay, all of you?”

“Okay, all of me. Okay, come over.”

Sonny looked at back at his book, the half completed outline on his laptop. “I’m busy.”

“I guarantee I am busier than you are and I’m making time.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not asking to see you. You’re asking to see me, right?” Barba huffed in agreement, unwilling to concede verbally to Sonny’s rhetoric. “And I’m busy right now, but I can come over later this afternoon. In a few hours, okay?”

“And then?” Barba asked.

“Then nothing. Or whatever you want.” 

“I don’t want nothing.”

Barba hung up on him. Sonny got absolutely no work done the rest of the day.

He struggled over his textbook for another forty five minutes, then abandoned it to fixate on his clothes. Sonny stripped off his sweatpants and stood in front of the mirror, holding shirts in front of his chest and worrying that he didn’t have any clean socks.

A few hours later he was huddled over, dodging the rain and the puddles. The wind was still high and it was cold now, drizzling freezing water down from the sky. Sonny was happy to get into the heated lobby of Barba’s building, happier to make it to his front mat.

“Oh,” Barba said, a crooked grin on his face as he opened the door. He was in his shirtsleeves and Sonny went dry mouthed at the sight of him. “Someone left Fido out in the rain.”

Maybe kissing wasn’t okay because now that he was standing in front Barba he couldn’t think about anything else. Barba hustled him inside and shut the door, then stepped away to put some distance between them. 

“You calling me a dog?,” Sonny asked. He took a step toward Barba and Barba retreated, bobbing on his toes like a boxer.

“I’m calling you a puppy,” he said and then, with two fingers, poked Sonny’s shoulder. “The kind you want to kick.” He retreated again and Sonny followed him. He was trying to decide between a well timed bark and some kind of joke about rubbing his nose in things when Barba hit the back of the sofa and had to stop. Sonny reached for his hips. 

“Wait,” Barba said and Sonny froze, an expert rendition of control. He began to pull away and Barba caught his shirt. “Just wait,” Barba said. “Don’t touch me. I need a minute before you touch me.”

“Okay.” He was close to Barba, arms braced on the sofa back behind him, gripping tightly to keep his hands still. He could smell Barba’s cologne, could smell his sweat too and the breath in his mouth. 

“Can I?” Barba asked, his fingers tapping at Sonny’s shirt and when Sonny nodded, Barba began to undo the buttons and ruck up the t-shirt he wore underneath and touch him. Cool fingers on Sonny’s heated skin. Touching the planes of his stomach and where his hipbones peeked up above the waistband of his pants. “Okay,” Barba said. “Okay, now.”

He was tilting his face up like he wanted to be kissed but Sonny just sank down to his knees and pressed his forehead into Barba’s stomach. His hands were still gripping tight on the sofa back. “I want to make you feel good. I want to make you come. Tell me if I can, Rafi.”

“Yes,” Barba said. “Please.”

Barba’s belt opened easy and Sonny pulled down his zipper, opened his pants. “You’ll find this part feels pretty familiar,” he cracked and then he wrapped a hand at the base of Barba’s exposed cock and brought his mouth all the way down this his fingers. Sonny’d always figured he was pretty good at giving head. He hadn’t entered any contests or anything, but he’d always managed to make his partners squirm. The way Barba responded though, Sonny might as well have been world champion. Barba’s muscles went tense in his stomach and thighs and he leaned back against the sofa heavily. Sonny glanced up and saw Barba blinking hard, his jaw slack and his tongue wetting his bottom lip. He worked his mouth hard over Barba’s length, listening to him moan and groan and feeling Barba’s hand in his hair, nails rough against his scalp. 

“Dom,” Barba said and then, “Dominick.” And yeah, there were going to have to have a discussion about that, even if it did make Sonny’s pulse pound in his ears. “Dom, I’m going to…” and Sonny swallowed hard.

He was up off his knees fast and leaning against Barba’s trembling body, his forehead bumping against Barba’s cheek. “Tell me it was good,’ Sonny said. There was a whine of insistence in his voice, his face was flushed red and his lips were swollen. Barba put a hand on each of his cheeks and his hands were still cold, individual fingers discernable in the dark. “Tell me it was good.”

“Kiss me,” Barba said. Sonny shook his head.

“You’ll taste it.”

“Kiss me,” Barba insisted. “And stop trying to protect me.” His voice was firm, so Sonny kissed him with everything he had, tongue thick against the roof of Barba’s mouth and every time he stopped to swallow or shift his head Barba was muttering against his lips. “Good,” and “so good,” and “perfect, Dominick.” And asking for it didn’t make his stomach lurch any less at Barba’s praise.


	3. Chapter 3

The kissing felt so good that Sonny didn’t notice how long it went on, coming back to his senses only to realize he was grinding his clothed erection against Barba’s still exposed thigh and that Barba’s hand had dropped from the right side of his face.

Barba was psyching himself up to touch him, Sonny realized all at once, drawing in hissing breaths and trailing his fingers down to Sonny’s chest, his stomach, the top of his waistband. He’d divided Sonny’s body in a series of finish lines that needed to be crossed. Tensing with each movement, swallowing against Sonny’s lips. Barba finally undid the hook at the top of Sonny’s zipper and Sonny caught his wrist in one hand. 

“Stubborn,” Sonny muttured. “I told you.”

“I have to…”

“You don’t have to do anything,” he said. “What do you wanna do?”

Barba bit his lip just for a moment, then swallowed. “I want to watch.” He turned his wrist in Sonny’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “Please, you do it. I want to watch.”

He spun Sonny around, switching their positions against the sofa, catching his pants with his other hand and fastening the button. Barba was strong, Sonny realized, tight gripped and his hands were finally warm. Sonny nodded frantically.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I can do that.” He smiled. Barba took Sonny’s unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the ground. “I’m good at that.”

“I’m sure you get a lot of practice.”

Sonny laughed. “Everytime I see you on the news,” he admitted and pulled open his pants, taking out his hardened cock. He made a fist around the length and began to work his hand up and down it, the quick desperate movements twitching the muscles in his stomach and tightening his biceps. He saw Barba go round eyed. 

“Yeah?” Barba asked. He had tentatively taken Sonny’s other hand.

“Hell yeah,” Sonny said. “The way you look. Fire in your eyes. Can’t get enough of it.”

“So you do this?”

Sonny was biting his lip, letting his eyes fall shut when the images in his mind got too vivid, peeling them open periodically to take in Barba. The solid actuality of Barba in front of him. “Well, first I’m keeping score. Who got in more shots? How’d the network spin it? Then I follow your argument. Christ, Barba, I wish my mind worked half as fast as yours.”

“You do just fine.” The soft skin of Barba’s palm crept up from Sonny’s hand, over his wrist, past the curve of his elbow. His gaze never faltered. Barba looked like he could hardly believe the situation as it was, like he didn’t dare blink and find out he was dreaming. Barba stepped closer, so that his leg was pressing between Sonny’s own. “You do good,” Barba said and the tone wasn’t right for it to hit Sonny in the stomach like it should but he was wet mouthed at the notion that Barba was trying to indulge him.

“I work hard but you, you’re so smart. Bright. You’re so bright; it lights up your face from the inside. I could see it from the beginning. I’m close.” 

“What did you see in the beginning? Tell me.” Barba’s voice was smooth in his ear. Sonny was leaning back against the sofa and squeezing Barba’s calf between his legs as he pumped his hand back and forth.

“From the first time I saw you,” he said, breath coming out ragged, words stilted and forced. “I wanted...wanted you think...I was a good cop...I’d make a good lawyer… wanted to please you... shit...but it got all twisted around in my head. Got all twisted and tight because then I just wanted you, wanted you. You’re so gorgeous, Raffi.” Sonny gulped. “I’m close. I’m gonna…”

“Do it, baby.”

Sonny came with a moan, bowing forward until his forehead hit Barba’s shoulder. He shuddered and streaked heavy come over the front of Barba’s shirt. 

“God,” he moaned, licking his lips and shaking his head to stop the ringing in his ears. “Goddamn, Barba.” Barba put a hand in Sonny’s hair, holding him steady by the grip at the back of his head. “Shit, I’m sorry. I ruined your shirt.” Sonny pulled back, grinning, and Barba released him. 

“I’ve finally got physical evidence.”

Sonny laughed. “Let me get a rag.”

“I’ll take it to the dry cleaner.”

“Still, I’ll clean it up first.”

“Why should it matter?” Barba asked. His eyes were a little distant. “I’m not embarrassed when it's lipstick or wet spots.”

Sonny squeezed his hip. “Let me get a rag.”

He vanished to the kitchen and came back with a slightly dampened tea towel which he used to wipe up the streaks of come. “Show me where you get dressed,” he said and Barba was too dazed still to question him. He led Sonny back down the hallway, into the bedroom across from the bathroom. The bed was not as big as Sonny had imagined, but the sheets were crisp and white. A blanket lay crumpled on the floor. Did Barba throw off the covers in the night? Did he run too hot, as Sonny’s mother would have said?

Across from the bed was a half open closet, containing all the suits and shirts that Sonny spent so much time admiring. Barba opened the door further and revealed a full length mirror on the inside of the door. “This is where I get dressed,” he said, and then began routinely to unbutton his now wet and stained shirt. He pulled it off his shoulders and Sonny went to him, laying hands on his now bare arms and burying his face in the back of Barba’s neck.

“How high up do your collars go?” Barba tried to turn around to look Sonny in the eye but Sonny stopped him. “Here?” he asked, his fingers on Barba’s neck, his little knuckle brushing down the strap of his undershirt. “About here?”

“Mostly,” Barba answered, noncommittally.

Sonny nodded, then walked his fingers down two inches into the hot skinned place where Barba’s neck met his shoulder. His collarbone was prominent under Sonny’s fingers. 

“I’m going to mark you,” Sonny said. “Here. So that you know it happened, that it's happening. You and I will know it's there. Okay?”

Barba was trying to swallow and taking in mouthfuls of air. “Okay.”

Sonny rubbed two fingers against Barba’s skin. “Don’t tell me it's okay if it's not.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Sonny wrapped an arm around Barba’s chest, pulling him tight against his own body. His skin tasted good, clean and smooth. Sonny glanced up to catch Barba’s gaze in the mirror and then bit him, hard. When he started to suck he watched Barba’s eyes close. Barba’s body went first rigid and immobile, his hands clenching into fists, and then slowly, slowly he relaxed until he was limp.

Sonny got hard the next morning just from putting on his own tie.


End file.
